Following the resignation of its Ambassador to the United States, Kim Darroch, the government of the United Kingdom has disclosed that it has been unable to find a replacement for Darroch who does not also think that Donald J. Trump is a blithering idiot.
At a press conference at 10 Downing Street, the British Prime Minister, Theresa May, revealed that the search for a new ambassador who does not believe that Trump is an imbecile has thus far come up empty.
“We did not want a repeat of the unfortunate Kim Darroch incident, so we made the first question on the job application, ‘Do you think Donald Trump is a moron?’ ” May said. “So far, none of the applicants has checked the ‘no’ box.”
May acknowledged that the government might have to expand its search for applicants beyond those with diplomatic experience in order to find a replacement for Darroch who does not consider Trump a dolt.
“We will search high and low until we find someone in this country who doesn’t think Donald Trump is a nitwit,” she said. “We’re starting by interviewing people who don’t think Boris Johnson is a nitwit.”
While affirming her government’s determination to find someone in the U.K. who does not think Trump is an unmitigated bonehead, May warned that the difficulty of the task must not be underestimated. “This is turning out to be harder than Brexit,” she said.
WASHINGTON—Stating that he would be sticking to his guns regardless of the consequences, President Trump warned China in a White House press briefing Thursday that its leaders should not underestimate his willingness to sacrifice the well-being of every single person in the United States:
“If you think for one second I’m about to back down on this trade war, you’ve clearly failed to grasp my complete indifference toward the entire population of my country,”
The president affirmed his unwavering commitment to letting the price of consumer goods rise, even if it meant a certain number of American families might struggle to make ends meet or be forced to go hungry.
“I’m not about to lose a fight just because we have a bunch of farmers who depend on Chinese markets and workers who will lose their jobs if factories can’t get Chinese raw materials. Believe me, I can tolerate a tremendous amount of their pain.”
Trump went on to state that most Americans are “great patriots” and willing to suffer so that he can get anything wants.